Retreat Discoveries
I am fresh out of a solo 9-day meditation and yoga retreat and have several insights to share. As you may know, I’ve done several solo retreats over the years, but this was the longest. That said, I managed to do some busy-work in the beginning that kept me from going as deeply as I’d hoped to at first. And this too was a great process of discovery! I got to see my neurosis up close and personal!
I practice meditation to realize my Essence nature, that true and deep part of my being that is unaffected by my personality desires and hang-ups. And this is what the teachings of Yoga and Buddhism are asking us to do; get beyond our ego identifications, because it’s from ego that we suffer and it’s from Essence that we experience true peace and freedom. So while meditation may help my nervous system to settle and my mind to become more quiet, those are not my main reasons to practice. What I want most is to uncover my true nature and to allow my life to unfold from there. And I want to support others in achieving the same thing. So it’s a process; the process of “awakening” or becoming “enlightened.” For some it’s quick, but for most of us, it’s a very long journey. But luckily, along the way are many insights as the confusion sloughs away and the clarity arises.
So the great gift I was given during my retreat was a teaching I received from Adyashanti, a living teacher and awakened being. He shared something I’ve heard before from others, and have even practiced, but this time, I used it consistently and found it to be incredibly helpful. He said, the main thing we need to do is inquire into whether what we’re thinking is true or not. We can do this by asking ourselves: “Is that true?” So often we tell ourselves stories (our beliefs), that aren’t actually true. And when we believe them is when we suffer – through feeling despondent, angry, scared, a victim, etc. So if we can make that simple inquiry, we’re likely to see that what we’re thinking is not actually true and then the suffering is released. For me, an even better question he posed was; ” Who would I be without this thought?” What I noticed was that when I asked the question, what I got was a dropping of the thought and a shift into presence; like a silent state of peace. And this is Essence. This question dropped me into an experience of the empty nature of my Essence. And although it was very fleeting, it was the repeated asking of the question that helped me to return there several times during an hour, and helped me remember that deeper truth of who I am.
So I know that’s a mouthful, but I invite you to give it a try! This was a gem of my retreat and I think it’s a super powerful way to shift the mind. And there’s a lot more to say about this. In fact, this led me to a really huge discovery. But I’m not ready to put it out there just yet :).
Other wonderful things about my retreat: I did a whole lot of fascial work (self massage) on the lacrosse and tennis ball. Many of you know I’ve been teaching ball work for years, but I took it to a much deeper level, discovering new ways to get at places like my neck, shoulders and hips. And then from there, I went into asana. I practiced asana more hours per day than I have in years! I returned to poses I haven’t visited in a long time and deepened in poses that I do regularly. I got newly inspired about the power of yoga and ball work to release and enliven my body. And I’m really excited to share it in my classes! I want everybody to be free of tension and to live a long healthy life and I think this work is a pretty clear way to get there!
Lastly, one thing I love about solo retreat is that I’m completely on my own schedule. I have no agendas for work or even for how much I “should” practice every day. I had intentions but my bigger intention was to listen to my body and follow it’s wisdom. I ate cleaner, less, and slower than usual. I let go of certain foods I tend to crave, like chocolate and most dairy. And I let go of multi-tasking. I took long leisurely walks almost daily. I took several naps and got in bed earlier than usual. And all of this was from really tuning into what was a true message of need/desire from my body and what was a mental impulse sprung from anxiety. This was good stuff! So much of the time at home, I like to DO stuff- I always have a list going and pride myself on how much I can do. And yet, I see that all this doing keeps me from Being. So the retreat was purposefully about dropping this doing mentality and challenging those urges to get stuff done, even if it was something like journaling, walking, or cleaning up. I would check in closely when I felt one of those urges; do I really need another helping of lunch right now? Do I really need to hurry my meal or get out the door for a walk, or do I just want to lay here in the sunshine? So it was all a process of loving myself; honoring my true needs over my anxious impulses. It felt like a process of unwinding. And without the agendas of work, appointments, phone calls, movies, Facebook, etc., it was much easier to listen for the clarity of what was true.
So there’s a taste of my last 9 days. I hope it’s an inspiration. Please share your thoughts and questions. My true aspirations in this life are to awaken and to serve. Please let me know how I can be of service to you today.
Namasté,
Robyn
